An Autistic Perspective: Death, Dying and Loss

The topics of death, dying and loss have interested me since I was a young child. From early on in my life I noticed that people seemed to be uncomfortable talking about these subjects. People would tell me it was morbid, it upsets them, they didn't want to think about it, but to me it was interesting, as it is a part of life that you can't escape. Death, dying and loss will happen to everyone.

In September 2014 my dad died, and then in August 2016, my granddad. People started asking if I was okay and telling me it must be so upsetting, and how sad they felt for me. I realised I didn't think about death in this way. I started to process how I think about death, dying, and loss and realised it could be interesting to people to gain insight into how my mind processes these things. I've had people say that they wish they processed things more like how I do, so perhaps some of this will be of help to people in how they can manage death, dying and loss.

It is important to note that although I am writing about my own autistic perspective that this perspective won't be shared by all people with autism. Everyone, autistic, and non-autistic, thinks differently. I think there are some similarities that most people with autism will recognise, but they may not share how certain traits express for me personally. Hopefully what I share here will also be of help to parents and carers of those with autism giving some insight into the mind of those with autism helping to explain behaviours they may see and some ideas about how best to approach the subjects of death, dying, and loss with those with autism.

In the chapter on loss the main focus is on relationship breakups and on transitions we face, like transitioning from one school to another, or from one job to another, or from living at home to independent living. Although death involves loss and dying involves the awareness that loss will be inevitable, I have tried to keep these areas within their own chapter. In the chapter about dying and death I share about my experiences of people dying and the positive and negative aspects of my way of being in relation to those who are dying, and on death I share about my experiences of death, and how I respond to the death of loved ones.

My hope is that by going into detail in an honest and frank way this will help to give insight into the autistic mind, and how my mind processes these areas of life. Throughout the chapters I will share some tips and ideas that parents, carers, partners or friends can do to help the autistic individual, and to understand them and interact with them in a way that respects their model of the world and way of managing things, even if that is almost an alien way to a neuro-typical individual.

Then in the conclusion chapter I round up the topics of loss, dying and death, and break down the triad of impairments which are the three areas autistic traits fall into for diagnosis, and go through some areas of these which are common among many with autism sharing what you can do to help the person with autism manage loss, dying and death, and I share some of the additional needs they may have and how these can impact on their handling of loss, dying and death.